


goodbye, my danish sweetheart

by toyhdgehog



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/F, Post-Episode: s05e22 The Gift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:28:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27027346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toyhdgehog/pseuds/toyhdgehog
Summary: faith finds out.
Relationships: Faith Lehane/Buffy Summers
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	goodbye, my danish sweetheart

on a monday, faith feels a burning pain in her chest.

it’s not normal- she gets pain sometimes, aches and withdrawal, but never like this. it burns, worse than anything she’s ever experienced in her life, worse than when she got stabbed and worse than every punch she’s received. it burns, and she screams, and cries, and feels like she can’t breathe, and then she goes numb.

the guards take her to the infirmary but can’t find anything wrong- she has no injuries, internal or external. so she figures it’s buffy. the shared slayer senses have weird side effects. when buffy is majorly injured, she can feel some of it. but it’s never this bad.

she  _ knows _ that buffy is dead. some part of her, deep down, knows, and is sure of it. but she doesn’t accept it. so she waits. she waits, for three days, convincing herself that buffy is still alive, and that she’ll see her one day, when she gets out.

on that thursday, angel comes to visit her.

she knows why. she knows that he’s going to tell her that buffy died. probably being a hero and saving the world- that’s how she died the first time. but she walks into the booth, smiling at him like a doofus, and sits and puts the phone to her ear.

“hey angel. why the long face? y’lose your soul again?” angel smiles, smally, and shakes her head. “no. i have some news. about buffy.” faith’s heart drops into her gut, and her smile disappears. “oh. what about her?” her voice is quiet and quivering, because she knows what angel is going to say next. she knows what he’s going to say next, and she doesn’t want to hear it.

“she- on monday, something happened. she had to- god,” angel breaks off and rubs his forehead, a tear silently slipping down his cheek. his voice lowers. “she died, faith. she saved the world, and she died.”

faith feels bile rise up in her throat but she swallows it, her hand shaking and sweaty as she struggles to keep the phone to her ear. “she- she’s dead? she’s gone, just like that? she- oh god- angel, why-” faith’s shoulders hunch in a sob, and angel furrows his eyebrows, empathetic.

“i didn’t- i didn’t get to say  _ goodbye _ . i didn’t get to apologize, or tell her how i felt, or, or  _ kiss  _ her, and now i can’t ever do that.” angel shakes his head, crying more now. “i know. i know, faith.” faith covers her eyes and sobs again, her other hand tangling in her hair. “i can’t ever see her again, i- why was it her? why was it her, angel? why couldn’t  _ i _ die? why couldn’t it have been me? she’s so good, angel, she’s so good, and now, now she’s just  _ gone _ , and i can’t do  _ anything _ .”

she composes herself after a few minutes, angel still crying silently. “why does she have to be gone, angel? she’s so  _ good _ .” angel shakes his head. “i’m sorry, faith.” he hangs the phone back up and walks away.

faith cries that night. all of that night, for the first time in months, more than she thinks she’s ever cried in her entire life. she debates herself in her head, thinking that maybe if she dies, too, things will be even, and she’ll be able to see buffy again. but she knows it’s stupid. buffy would want her to live, she thinks, and even if she didn’t, faith wouldn’t be able to get wherever buffy is. 

buffy is  _ buffy _ , the chosen one, the good one, the light slayer, and faith is just herself. faith is just a murderous scumbag who ruined buffy’s life.

and now she can’t do anything about it.

**Author's Note:**

> when will i stop writing under 1000 word oneshots? never, probably! kudos and comments are appreciated! follow me on twitter @SAPPHICLEHANE


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